TOTALLY CONFUSED

I don't think I understand what is going on in my life anymore. I don't think I was ever one to have everything figured out, but things just didn't bother me. Somewhere in time, I have become a critical, negative, maybe even bitter person. Do I like myself for it? No! I think I have lost sight of who I really am in Christ. It's easy to get sidetracked. It's easy to go from the utter presence of God to barely feel Him with me.
I see things in a different light now. I don't want to, but I do. I'm more offensive and easily angered. Small, unimportant things get to me. Why can't I let most of it go? I have been so hurt in my life. Not just recently, but throughout my whole life. I have endured ridicule, sarcasm, hate, and much more. I forgave and moved on. I overcame my past by allowing God to have control of my present and future. Why is it so hard for me now? Why is forgetting getting harder with time? I should be a pro at forgiving and forgetting, but with each passing day I feel me slipping farther and farther into a black hole of hurt and anger. I feel suffocated at times. I feel there is no way out.
I need you Holy Spirit to help me. I need you to guide me into all truth and wisdom. I need your peace and joy to take me to new heights. I need your strength to carry me in the weak areas of my heart. My heart is so ugly and full of disappointment. But you come and create a clean heart. You wipe away the tears and bring healing. I accept the Blood of Jesus to wash away every ounce of hurt, disappointment, resentment, bitterness, anger, and all the emotional scars that went with it. Jesus, forgive me for not being more like you. Forgive me for the complaining and whining and the gossipping. Forgive me of the unforgiveness. Forgive me and wash me clean. Remove the stain until you remain.
I pray peace over my enemies. I pray love and acceptance over them. I pray truth and compassion to be their companions. Let the Love of Christ reign in their hearts and in their lifes.

Is LOVE really enough?

Many people often say Love isn't enough to keep a relationship together. I don't know if that is true or not, but here is my opinion:
When do 2 people usually fall in love? I believe it's in a point in their life where everything is going good. They are on top of the world....their world. I believe it is in these good times that 2 people can fall in love. Wouldn't it be hard to fall in love in the midst of chaos? First off, your mind is not on trying to find someone. You're trying to get through difficult situations. This is how it was for me. I fell in love with a wonderful man when my world was good. I was happy, energetic and didn't have a care in the world. I married that man and had his son.
But let me tell you...it has been extremely difficult lately. We have been fighting a lot and getting on each other's nerves. It takes a lot for me to say this. Last night I sat in bed questioning my love for him. If something happened to him, or our son, would love be strong? I know I have affection for him, but was it love I felt thinking about the what if's? Then the Lord showed me that Love is not a feeling. LOVE IS A COMMITMENT. Through the good and the bad and the ugly.
Many people give up on love because they don't think they have it anymore. They fell in love when the "felt" it. They stayed in love because they got married next...a magical time. But the marriage doesn't last because love has lost it's power.
I believe LOVE is enough. God is love. "Three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love!" Love can conquer a multitude of sin. Love, if given properly, can overcome evil. It can overcome the anger and rage. If God is love, and many people leave marriage because love is gone, does that mean that God is gone? Does that mean He is not center of the marriage anymore? I believe so. I believe divorce and separation is not in God's plan for marriage.
My grandparents were married for 63 years. In the end, I know they loved each other. No, it was the glamor love like you have in the beginning, but it was an everlasting love that was meant to be for every marriage. I'm sure they had their difficult seasons, but they got through it.
I want that marriage. I am a bit of a romantic, and I do want the "glamor" love all the time, but I have to realize that love is a process. There are many stages and seasons in love and I MUST enjoy everyone of them....or life will pass by and I will be miserable and lonely. I love my husband, and I want to stay by his side. He is the only one I want to be with. He is the only one who still melts my heart, who my body still longs for, and who takes my cares away with just one kiss from his tender lips.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of wrong. It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through EVERY circumstance. Love will last forever...